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MEDLIB-L Home

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MEDLIB-L  August 2000, Week 3

MEDLIB-L August 2000, Week 3

Subject:

FW: Medical Humor

From:

Ellen Rothbaum <[log in to unmask]>

Reply-To:

[log in to unmask]

Date:

Wed, 16 Aug 2000 08:43:44 -0400

Content-Type:

text/plain

Parts/Attachments:

Parts/Attachments

text/plain (119 lines)

I think that you might appreciate the following list.  I claim no credit for any of
them.  Enjoy!

Ellen

Ellen Rothbaum
Daniel Carroll Payson Medical Library
North Shore University Hospital
300 Community Drive
Manahsset, NY 11030
[log in to unmask]
(516) 562-4324
Fax:  (516) 562-2865

....HOSPITAL CHARTS...

Actual writings on hospital charts:

   1. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was
very hot in bed last night.

   2. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

   3. On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it
disappeared.

   4. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be
depressed.

   5. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.

   6. Discharge status: Alive but without my permission.

   7. Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year old male, mentally alert but
forgetful.

   8. The patient refused autopsy.

   9. The patient has no previous history of suicides.

  10. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.

  11. Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a
40 pound weight gain in the past three days.

  12. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

  13. She is numb from her toes down.

  14. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.

  15. The skin was moist and dry.

  16. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.

  17. Patient was alert and unresponsive.

  18. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.

  19. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until
she got a divorce.

  20. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical
therapy.

  21. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.

  22. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.

  23. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.

  24. The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a
stock broker instead.

  25. Skin: somewhat pale but present.

  26. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.

  27. Patient was seen in consultation by Dr.Blank, who felt we should sit on
the abdomen and I agree.

  28. Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.

  29. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.

  I look forward to some "Professional" prognosis from those of you that
delve in the medical game..uh..field...(Sorry!), or, who know...uh... how to
open a can of tuna fish.

> 23. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
>

Ringling Bros/Barnum & Bailey might be interested....
Matter of fact.... I might be interested.  LOL


SANDY!!.......must I remind you that this "board" is viewed by families that
have small children, and rodents...not to mention that Aliens constantly
monitor these channels to glean information about our thought processes and
desires. From now on,  please be a little more circumspect with
your.....er......"Christmas Gift Want List"!

In the meantime......VERY FUNNY!!!

> 29. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.

With two teenage children, what other abnormalities does one need?
>She is numb from her toes down.
No problem. Just tell her to stop standing on her head.

>Patient was alert and unresponsive.
Sounds a lot like my wife.

>Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.
Ah, yes. Nothing like a really thorough examination!

>Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.
Talk about scary hospital movies!

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December 2002, Week 2
December 2002, Week 1
November 2002, Week 5
November 2002, Week 4
November 2002, Week 3
November 2002, Week 2
November 2002, Week 1
October 2002, Week 5
October 2002, Week 4
October 2002, Week 3
October 2002, Week 2
October 2002, Week 1
September 2002, Week 5
September 2002, Week 4
September 2002, Week 3
September 2002, Week 2
September 2002, Week 1
August 2002, Week 5
August 2002, Week 4
August 2002, Week 3
August 2002, Week 2
August 2002, Week 1
July 2002, Week 5
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July 2002, Week 3
July 2002, Week 2
July 2002, Week 1
June 2002, Week 5
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June 2002, Week 3
June 2002, Week 2
June 2002, Week 1
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May 2002, Week 3
May 2002, Week 2
May 2002, Week 1
April 2002, Week 5
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April 2002, Week 3
April 2002, Week 2
April 2002, Week 1
March 2002, Week 5
March 2002, Week 4
March 2002, Week 3
March 2002, Week 2
March 2002, Week 1
February 2002, Week 4
February 2002, Week 3
February 2002, Week 2
February 2002, Week 1
January 2002, Week 5
January 2002, Week 4
January 2002, Week 3
January 2002, Week 2
January 2002, Week 1
December 2001, Week 5
December 2001, Week 4
December 2001, Week 3
December 2001, Week 2
December 2001, Week 1
November 2001, Week 5
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November 2001, Week 3
November 2001, Week 2
November 2001, Week 1
October 2001, Week 5
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October 2001, Week 3
October 2001, Week 2
October 2001, Week 1
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June 2001, Week 5
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June 2001, Week 2
June 2001, Week 1
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May 2001, Week 3
May 2001, Week 2
May 2001, Week 1
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April 2001, Week 3
April 2001, Week 2
April 2001, Week 1
March 2001, Week 5
March 2001, Week 4
March 2001, Week 3
March 2001, Week 2
March 2001, Week 1
February 2001, Week 4
February 2001, Week 3
February 2001, Week 2
February 2001, Week 1
January 2001, Week 5
January 2001, Week 4
January 2001, Week 3
January 2001, Week 2
January 2001, Week 1
December 2000, Week 5
December 2000, Week 4
December 2000, Week 3
December 2000, Week 2
December 2000, Week 1
November 2000, Week 5
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November 2000, Week 3
November 2000, Week 2
November 2000, Week 1
October 2000, Week 5
October 2000, Week 4
October 2000, Week 3
October 2000, Week 2
October 2000, Week 1
September 2000, Week 5
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September 2000, Week 3
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September 2000, Week 1
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August 2000, Week 4
August 2000, Week 3
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April 2000, Week 2
April 2000, Week 1
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March 2000, Week 3
March 2000, Week 2
March 2000, Week 1
February 2000, Week 5
February 2000, Week 4
February 2000, Week 3
February 2000, Week 2
February 2000, Week 1
January 2000, Week 5
January 2000, Week 4
January 2000, Week 3
January 2000, Week 2
January 2000, Week 1
December 1999, Week 5
December 1999, Week 4
December 1999, Week 3
December 1999, Week 2
December 1999, Week 1
November 1999, Week 5
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November 1999, Week 3
November 1999, Week 2
November 1999, Week 1
October 1999, Week 5
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October 1999, Week 3
October 1999, Week 2
October 1999, Week 1
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May 1999, Week 1
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April 1999, Week 3
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April 1999, Week 1
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March 1999, Week 3
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January 1999, Week 5
January 1999, Week 4
January 1999, Week 3
January 1999, Week 2
January 1999, Week 1
December 1998, Week 5
December 1998, Week 4
December 1998, Week 3
December 1998, Week 2
December 1998, Week 1
November 1998, Week 5
November 1998, Week 4
November 1998, Week 3
November 1998, Week 2
November 1998, Week 1
October 1998, Week 5
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October 1998, Week 3
October 1998, Week 2
October 1998, Week 1
September 1998, Week 5
September 1998, Week 4
September 1998, Week 3
September 1998, Week 2
September 1998, Week 1
August 1998, Week 5
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August 1998, Week 3
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July 1998, Week 3
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July 1998, Week 1
June 1998, Week 5
June 1998, Week 4
June 1998, Week 3
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June 1998, Week 1
May 1998, Week 5
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May 1998, Week 3
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May 1998, Week 1
April 1998, Week 5
April 1998, Week 4
April 1998, Week 3
April 1998, Week 2
April 1998, Week 1
March 1998, Week 5
March 1998, Week 4
March 1998, Week 3
March 1998, Week 2
March 1998, Week 1
February 1998, Week 4
February 1998, Week 3
February 1998, Week 2
February 1998, Week 1
January 1998, Week 5
January 1998, Week 4
January 1998, Week 3
January 1998, Week 2
January 1998, Week 1
December 1997, Week 5
December 1997, Week 4
December 1997, Week 3
December 1997, Week 2
December 1997, Week 1
November 1997, Week 5
November 1997, Week 4
November 1997, Week 3
November 1997, Week 2
November 1997, Week 1
October 1997, Week 5
October 1997, Week 4
October 1997, Week 3
October 1997, Week 2
October 1997, Week 1
September 1997, Week 5
September 1997, Week 4
September 1997, Week 3
September 1997, Week 2
September 1997, Week 1
August 1997, Week 5
August 1997, Week 4
August 1997, Week 3
August 1997, Week 2
August 1997, Week 1
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July 1997, Week 4
July 1997, Week 3
July 1997, Week 2
July 1997, Week 1
June 1997, Week 5
June 1997, Week 4
June 1997, Week 3
June 1997, Week 2
June 1997, Week 1
May 1997, Week 5
May 1997, Week 4
May 1997, Week 3
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May 1997, Week 1
April 1997, Week 5
April 1997, Week 4
April 1997, Week 3
April 1997, Week 2
April 1997, Week 1
March 1997, Week 5
March 1997, Week 4
March 1997, Week 3
March 1997, Week 2
March 1997, Week 1
February 1997, Week 4
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February 1997, Week 2
February 1997, Week 1
January 1997, Week 5
January 1997, Week 4
January 1997, Week 3
January 1997, Week 2
January 1997, Week 1
December 1996, Week 5
December 1996, Week 4
December 1996, Week 3
December 1996, Week 2
December 1996, Week 1
November 1996, Week 5
November 1996, Week 4
November 1996, Week 3
November 1996, Week 2
November 1996, Week 1
October 1996, Week 5
October 1996, Week 4
October 1996, Week 3
October 1996, Week 2
October 1996, Week 1
September 1996, Week 5
September 1996, Week 4
September 1996, Week 3
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September 1996, Week 1
August 1996, Week 5
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August 1996, Week 1
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May 1996, Week 3
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April 1996, Week 5
April 1996, Week 4
April 1996, Week 3
April 1996, Week 2
April 1996, Week 1
March 1996, Week 5
March 1996, Week 4
March 1996, Week 3
March 1996, Week 2
March 1996, Week 1
February 1996, Week 5
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February 1996, Week 3
February 1996, Week 2
February 1996, Week 1
January 1996, Week 5
January 1996, Week 4
January 1996, Week 3
January 1996, Week 2
January 1996, Week 1
December 1995, Week 5
December 1995, Week 4
December 1995, Week 3
December 1995, Week 2
December 1995, Week 1
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November 1995, Week 4
November 1995, Week 3
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October 1995, Week 5
October 1995, Week 4
October 1995, Week 3
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October 1995, Week 1
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September 1995, Week 1
August 1995, Week 5
August 1995, Week 4
August 1995, Week 3
August 1995, Week 2
August 1995, Week 1
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July 1995, Week 3
July 1995, Week 2
July 1995, Week 1
June 1995, Week 5
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June 1995, Week 3
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May 1995, Week 4
May 1995, Week 3
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May 1995, Week 1
April 1995, Week 5
April 1995, Week 4
April 1995, Week 3
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April 1995, Week 1
March 1995, Week 5
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March 1995, Week 3
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March 1995, Week 1
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February 1995, Week 1
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December 1994, Week 5
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December 1994, Week 3
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December 1994, Week 1
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June 1994, Week 5
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May 1994, Week 5
May 1994, Week 4
May 1994, Week 3
May 1994, Week 2
May 1994, Week 1
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April 1994, Week 4
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