A U.S. businessman friend of mine reacted to that latest raft of
RSNZ teasers with the following imaginative futuristic version.


*******Items Web-mounted on Wednesday, April 13, 2025**********
<http://www.rsnz.org/news/date/2025/4/13>


1.  Researchers have found that the major conversion to meat and milk from
cloned animals has caused premature aging in human consumers.
        IT proprietors AgResearch® deny causal involvement, liability.

2.  Severe diarrhea continues to plague the billion urban Chinese and ALL
exports of food products have been banned.
        Japanese biotech corporation Showa Denko has denied that one of its
gene-gentled bacteria which had gotten loose is causing the debilitating
condition.  Pres. Chaney has announced a multi-billion-dollar USAID
contract granted to private corporation Bechtel of San Francisco to expand
Chinese cities' sewage plants.

3.  Another biohazard quarantine has been placed on New Zealand owing to
unmonitored mutant virus from research labs there.
        IT proprietors AgResearch® deny causal involvement, liability.

4.  Mutations of Ebola virus, designated Ebola-8e, are responsible for the
pandemic spreading across the European continent.
        The Wistar Institute of Philadelphia, accused by fringe groups such
as Greepneace of creating the mutant virus, has not only denied causal
involvement, liability but also been given a multi-billion-dollar contract
to research treatments for the promptly lethal viral infection.

5.  Embryonic stem cell harvesting has hit an estimated US$15 Billion on
the black market and shows no sign of abating.
         California citizens' initiative 10632 will give voters at the next
election the option of withdrawing the subsidies to this trade begun by a
deceptive Citizens' Initiative in 2004.

6.  Since the incubation period of Mad Cow disease can take 10-25 years,
the heretofore denial of the existence of Mad Cow disease in the U.S.A. has
hit home with over 25,000 reported cases in the first six months of 2025
alone.
        GM-cows resistant to prion diseases are to be developed by a
multi-billion-dollar contract from the USA FDA to GM-aces AgResearch® of
New Zealand on a further grant from the NZ Govt.  Asked by reporters
whether they admitted causal involvement in the USA epidemic, AgResearch®
PR operatives declined to comment, saying this information is commercially
sensitive.

7.  A GM-soybean developed to grow hair has "accidentally" been introduced
in the school lunch program.    It is reported that third- and
fourth-graders have been growing copious body hair.  GM conglomerate
SynAgGenVentria® deny causal involvement, liability; may fund research on
psychological advantages of the hirsudity.

8.  A Caucasian genetic researcher has traced his ancestry to a black
Nigerian family.
        "Those mid-C20 Germans may have indicated unworkability of the
concept 'race' as a basis for politics", said a USFDA official who did not
wish to be named.

9.  Nanites have established a beachhead in the Antarctic where it was
thought they could be safely contained.
        The "nucular" option is being considered, according to a source
close to Pres. Chaney.  Prompted with the "I told you so" reaction, King
Charles III declined to comment.