Thanks to Bush doctrine, Middle East trees convert carbon dioxide to oxygen
by Charles "The Hammer" Krauthammer
Admit it, liberal whiners. Bush deserves credit for positive developments
in the Middle East, such as photosynthesis. If it were up you, we'd all be
choking on our own toxic exhalations.
Lebanese protests against Syrian influence aren't the only revolutionary
movements taking place in the Middle East. Startling anecdotal evidence
suggests that the country's famed cedars, like vast numbers of other trees
in the region, are actually taking the carbon dioxide exhaled by humans and
emitted by internal combustion engines, and converting it to oxygen to be
inhaled by grateful millions.
As with all other positive developments in the Middle East - elections in
Egypt, Saudi Arabia, Palestine, Iraq, and Afghanistan; Libya's
relinquishing of WMDs; stymied proliferation of nuclear weapons (except for
Pakistan and Israel); and of course, Lebanon's laudable "shaking off" (in
Arabic, intifada) of Syrian domination - credit must be given to the Bush
doctrine of pre-emptive war.
Thus inspired by the toppling of Saddam's regime, Middle Eastern trees
have now also finally risen up against the oppressive forces of carbon
dioxide, overthrowing them in favor of oxygen in an irrepressible
photosynthetic orgy of freedom. I don't hear Muhammad Q. Islam complaining
either, so I'm only going to say this once: You're welcome.
I must also say to every liberal peacenik hand-wringer who ever questioned
the Iraq war policy - the vast numbers of U.S. soldiers and Iraqi civilians
killed and maimed; the damage to America's global reputation; the complete
absence of WMDs; abuse and torture at Abu Ghraib; the "bring it on"
attitude of the Bush administration; and "all options on the table"
statements directed toward Iran - each and every one of you now owes every
oxygen-breathing man, woman, and child in the entire region an apology. We
neo-con hawks and our plan for world domination - I mean democratization -
were right. You were wrong. While you're eating crow, I suggest a
balsamic and sage marinade.
And if any critics try to suggest that nonviolent protests in Lebanon
demonstrate how regimes can be toppled without war, or that Saudi Arabian
and Egyptian "elections" are insubstantial window-dressing, or that the
Palestinian elections were merely the result of Arafat's death, or that
Iraq remains a quagmire where a majority of the population resents U.S.
occupation, well ... they're a bunch of stupid-heads who must hate oxygen.
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