FORWARDED MESSAGE (Forwarded by Jerry Carlson ([log in to unmask]):
 
Since we all need to constantly update our knowlege to be effective, I
thought this would be useful <grin>. Forward at will.
 
Michael Spindler        Infopros Research & Consulting
[log in to unmask]       Seattle, WA  206-224-7543
 
 
                   Improve Your Computer Vocabulary
  ----------------------------------------------------------
 
  Analog:    Hors d'oeuvre, usually made from cheese and covered
             with crushed nuts
  Backup:    Opposite of go forward
  Batch Processing:
             Making a lot of cookies at once
  Binary:    Possessing the ability to have friends of both sexes
  Bit:       12 1/2 cents
  Branch:    If watered, it will grow into a computer club (see computer
             club)
  Buffer:    Programmer who works in the nude
  Bug:       1. Programmer's term for a feature
             2. An elusive creature living in a program which makes
             it incorrect.  Note: the activity of "debugging" or
             removing bugs from a program ends when a programmer
             gets tired of doing it, not when all the bugs are removed
  Character density:
             The number of very weird people in the office, divided
             by the floor space
  Computer:  A device designed to speed and automate errors
  Computer Club:
             Used to strike computer forcefully upon receiving error
             messages
  Coding:    An addictive drug
  Compile:   A heap of decomposing vegetable matter
  Compiler:  Noah Webster (1758-1843)
  Console:   What one does to a "down" computer
  Cursor:    An expert in 4-letter words
  Dump:      A system programmer's work area
  Feature:   Hardware limitation as described by a marketing
             representative
  Hardware:  The parts of a computer which can be kicked
  Keyboard:  An instrument used for entering errors into a system
  Language:  A system of organizing and defining error messages
  Loop:      See loop
  Machine-independent Program:
             A program which will not run on any machine
  Microcomputer:
             One millionth of a computer
  Null String:
             The result of a 4-hour database search
  On-line:   The idea that a human should always be accessible
  Password:  The nonsense word taped to your terminal
  Performance:
             A statement of the speed at which a computer system
             works.  Or rather, might work under certain
             circumstances.  Or was rumored to be working about a
             month ago
  Printer:   Johann Gutenberg (1400-1468)
  Quality Control:
             Ensuring that the quality of a product does not get out
             of hand and add to the cost of its manufacture or design
  Strategy:  A long-range plan whose merit cannot be evaluated until
             sometime after those creating it have left the organization
  User:      Someone requiring drug rehabilitation
  8-bit machine:
             A computer selling for $1.00 (see bit)
  16-bit machine:
             A computer selling for $2.00 (see bit)