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To engage your morning.

Curtiss Priest


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>Return-path: <[log in to unmask]>
>Date: Mon, 09 Jun 1997 08:41:40 -0400
>From: Lorrie Stuart <[log in to unmask]>

>Organization: L.I.S. Learning


>WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?"
>
>
>Buddha:
>      If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken-nature.
>
> Plato:
>      For the greater good.
>
>Hippocrates:
>      Because of an excess of phlegm in its pancreas.
>
>Sappho:
>      Due to the loveliness of the hen on the other side, more fair
>      than all of Hellas' fine armies.
>
>Thomas de Torquemada:
>      Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I'll find out.
>
>Machiavelli:
>      So that its subjects will view it with admiration, as a chicken
>      which has the daring and courage to boldly cross the road, but
>      also with fear, for whom among them has the strength to contend
>      with such a paragon of avian virtue?  In such a manner is the
>      princely chicken's dominion maintained.
>
> Karl Marx:
>      It was a historical inevitability.
>
>Nietzsche:
>      Because if you gaze too long across the Road, the Road gazes
>      also across you.
>
>Carl Jung:
>      The confluence of events in the cultural gestalt necessitated
>      that individual chickens cross roads at this historical
>      juncture, and therefore synchronicitously brought such
>      occurrences into being.
>
> Jean-Paul Sartre:
>      In order to act in good faith and be true to itself, the
>      chicken found it necessary to cross the road.
>
> Ludwig Wittgenstein:
>      The possibility of "crossing" was encoded into the objects
>      "chicken" and "road," and circumstances came into being which
>      caused the actualization of this potential  occurrence.
>
>Darwin:
>      It was the logical next step after coming down from the trees.
>
> Emily Dickinson:
>      Because it could not stop for death.
>
> Ralph Waldo Emerson:
>      It didn't cross the road; it transcended it.
>
> Johann Friedrich von Goethe:
>      The eternal hen-principle made it do it.
>
> Ernest Hemingway:
>      To die. In the rain.
>
> David Hume:
>      Out of custom and habit.
>
> Henry David Thoreau:
>      To live deliberately ... and suck all the marrow out of life.
>
> Mark Twain:
>      The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated.
>
>
>
> Albert Einstein:
>      Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the
>      chicken depends upon your frame of reference.
>
> Timothy Leary:
>      Because that's the only kind of trip the Establishment would
>      let it take.
>
>  Oliver North:
>      National Security was at stake.
>
>
> Salvador Dali:
>      The Fish.
>
> Saddam Hussein:
>      This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite
>      justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.
>
> Jack Nicholson:
>      'cause it f.....g wanted to.  That's the f.....g reason.
>
> Ronald Reagan:
>      I forget.
>
> John Sununu:
>      The Air Force was only too happy to provide the transportation,
>      so quite understandably the chicken availed himself of the
>      opportunity.
>
> Stephen Jay Gould:
>      It is possible that there is a sociobiological explanation for
>      it, but we have been deluged in recent years with
>      sociobiological stories despite the fact that we have little
>      direct evidence about the genetics of behavior, and we do not
>      know how to obtain it for the specific behaviors that figure
>      most prominently in sociobiological speculation.
>
> Captain James T. Kirk:
>      To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.
>
>
> Johnny Rotten:
>      Because he was safety pinned to the "punk rocker".
>
>Anderson Consultant:
>      Deregulation of the chicken's side of the road was threatening
>      its dominant market position. The chicken was faced with
>      significant challenges to create and develop the competencies
>      required for the newly competitive market.  Andersen
>      Consulting, in a partnering relationship with the client,
>      helped the chicken by rethinking its physical distribution
>      strategy and implementation processes. Using the Poultry
>      Integration Model (PIM) Andersen helped the chicken use its
>      skills, methodologies, knowledge capital and experiences to
>      align the chicken's people, processes and technology in support
>      of its overall strategy within a Program Management framework.
>      Andersen Consulting convened a diverse cross-spectrum of road
>      analysts and best chickens along with Andersen consultants with
>      deep skills in the transportation industry to engage in a
>      two-day itinerary of meetings in order to leverage their
>      personal knowledge capital, both tacit and explicit, and to
>      enable them to synergize with each other in order to achieve
>      the implicit goals of delivering and successfully architecting
>      and implementing an enterprise-wide value framework across the
>      continuum of poultry cross-median processes.  The meeting was
>      held in a park like setting enabling and creating an impactful
>      environment which was strategically based, industry-focused,
>      and built upon a consistent, clear, and unified market message
>      and aligned with the chicken's mission, vision, and core
>      values. This was conducive towards the creation of a total
>      business integration solution. Andersen Consulting helped the
>      chicken change to become more successful.
>


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